Day 15 (one of my favorite stories ever)

           I slept about 5 hours before Jim woke me up to do his meditation practice. We agreed I could sleep while he did it so I slept more, trying to ignore his mumbling in Tibetan right next to me. When I awoke he told me the pass to Ladakh is open. That road is only open for like 3 months a year and we weren't sure it'd be open when I was in town, but he really wanted to go in the morning. I said let's leave Sunday, I want to hang out with Irma some more. He said OK. I asked if we could bring her and he said no. She's going to Nepal in 10 days anyway, so maybe we'll get sick of each other in the next 24 hours. Last night she told me I could sleep over tonight, I hope this is her waiting, for some insane Catholic reason, like maybe she's a virgin or something.

           Last night when I dropped her off she told me to meet outside this hotel in Bhagsu so I could pick her up for our date to the waterfall right now. The way I remembered how to get there was this landmark, the most unappealing ad I've ever seen:

           I'm assuming that guy on the poster is Jeff, the beautician, but it'd be a lot better if he were one of the "before" photos.
           She's 30 min. late, unless I walked past her without recognizing her earlier. Maybe I'll make a sign if she doesn't come within the hour. It's really hot and I'm sitting by the side of the dirt road under the only shade I can find, a big rock.
           I knew this wouldn't work as I'd hoped, because I expected it. Every time I have to meet someone at a designated time like this it doesn't work out. I gave a guy playing sitar on the side of the road 10 rupees and now he only plays when I walk by. That totally spoiled the beauty he put into the world. I have to remember not to seem overly-desperate to get people to like what I'm doing, like that guy did.


           Where are you, beautiful stranger?

           Right as I wrote that, I saw her walking up. My smile was so big. I kissed her and we walked to the waterfall. She quickly revealed that she is high and that, after we parted at 4 a.m. she went to the temple (!) and meditated for a while, then went to bed at 5:30 for a few hours before waking up early and talking and smoking weed with her neighbors.
           I hate being around stoned people when I'm sober, they can't follow conversation. The waterfall was amazing, though, pure water pools by a rock-slide. She drank straight from a stream, which is something I wouldn't do in the U.S., let alone in India where the water coming from the pipes is all poison. I didn't wash my hands for 2 days before I realized any bacteria the water put on them would dry out and die.

           We sat by the water and held hands and kissed and I felt dull. I'm not at my best when the responsibility for creating excitement rests on me. Everyone stared at us, as usual. We talked about how this would be the last time we'd see each other and I said I wanted to keep in touch so gave her my email address. I should've gotten hers. Her last name is too Lithuanian for me to remember. Then the 2nd-most amazing experience of the whole trip happened:
           While we were sitting there, ignoring everyone else around us (and many deserved it, like the Indian teenager who took a picture of us before Irma yelled at him to fuck off, in Hindi), an Indian man, probably in his 30s or 40s, walked over and said he's a baba, and that he wants us to see this amazing trick he can do. Irma told him we don't want to see, and to leave us alone. He persisted (as all Indian beggars do) and said "No, you'll love this trick, I lift a heavy rock" and we told him to go away and give us privacy, because we didn't want to give him any money.
           He walked around us for a few minutes while we ignored him. He'd occasionally call to us from 5 meters away and say something like "you're going to love this trick, let me find a good rock" and we'd tell him to go away again. After about 15 minutes, he walked over again, picked up a 1 meter-long rock that couldn't have weighed more than 20 pounds and said "this should work" and Irma said "go away" to him then we laughed because lifting that rock isn't that impressive. He walked off and we continued talking. She took some pictures of me and I took the last one I'd ever take of her:

           Not long after that photo was taken, while sitting in the same place, we heard someone yelling "HEY! HEY!" from about 10 meters away. Having lived in NYC for 3 years, it was easy for me to ignore, but Irma instinctively turned her head to look and immediately turned it away then told me "Oh my God we have to go." I asked what happened, and she told me something I couldn't have predicted in a million years:

"He tied a rope around the rock and he's dangling it from his penis."

           We quickly left the area, laughing confusedly about his intent. Did he want money? He never asked for any. Was he just an exhibitionist? If so, why the rock? What the hell kind of country hasn't outlawed this sort of thing?
           Later, Jim told me that babas do stunts like this to prove/show off how holy they are, somehow.

           Irma and I walked over the rocks then climbed the mountain. I never feel less cool than when I have to use my terrible balance like I did when navigating the rockslide. We sat there and held each other and made out a little before it got dark and we walked back to Bhagsu. We had dinner at a nice restaurant where not only is smoking tobacco allowed but weed is, too, right at the table. I felt a lot cooler while we were telling stories to each other at dinner, then she went over to her friends' table. They were smoking blunts and only spoke Russian. No one uses bowls in India, they only roll joints, always with tobacco. I hate tobacco and couldn't communicate at all, it was the first time I'd been bored since I got to India.
            We left the restaurant and drank a bottle of wine on her roof, where I finally asked wtf happened that she didn't want to do it with me yesterday and had apparently lost interest today. She didn't really answer but I could tell I'd been friendzoned. I told her this happened to me last week in Italy, too, and I'm really sick of it. She felt really guilty and asked if we could make out again, then put effort into it for the first time all day and asked if I hated her now. I said no. She revealed that she doesn't have sex with strange travelers because she wants to protect her feelings. I said "oh yeah, I forgot that every beautiful woman has some traumatic sexual experience in her past."
            She said she doesn't have any abuse history, but her dad did really hurt her feelings. I told her to forgive herself and she started crying, suddenly, very hard. I kissed her tears away and she asked if I watch South Park. I answered "Mmmm, the tears of unfathomable sadness!" and we laughed. She said she learned English from watching that show.
           We talked more and she said she followed her gut which told her not to do it with me. I still don't get it and I'm really disappointed and sad because I really liked her. I knew putting that extra condom in my wallet would jinx it. I also knew it'd be weird when I saw her today.
           We got cold and went in, which gave me some slight hope, then she quickly said "let's go on the roof, my friends are smoking weed."
           I sat on the roof, Irma on my lap, while the 4 of them discussed philosophy in Russian. I didn't try to communicate because I was bored, tired, and disappointed at how my night had turned out. She held my hand sweetly during this process and told me she wished I could've talked to them b/c I would've really enjoyed it. I'd gotten sick of this and didn't really respond.
           We went to her room and spooned. My wiener and I still couldn't give up hope, and she grinded back on me a little bit, but then that same fear or whatever blocked her instincts and she stopped reacting, then quickly fell asleep.
           The morning was basically the same: Me hitting on her, her being not-quite-interested, and me getting increasingly frustrated. When she came back from using the outhouse shower I told her I'd leave her alone if she wanted and she said "Yeah I have some things to do" so I kissed her one more time, told her thanks for making my trip better, and left, never to hear from her ever again.
If anyone knows how to find her, I'd appreciate it.