Day 14 (continued)

         I finally found Jim at his favorite coffee shop. The only way we can contact each other is by wandering around the city until we run into one another.

         I saw the sign for the only open mic (or concert of any kind) in the city, on the roof of a hotel for western tourists.
         I walked in and told the host I was on international tour and could play as long as he wanted me to. He said he'd definitely take advantage of that.
         He started the show and was truly the douchey stereotype of a western open mic host. He covered "Redemption Song," "Badfish," some Manu Chao song, all crowd-pleasing songs performed terribly. Nice guy though.
         I went up and did "Beer" and "It's a Lonely Lonely World" for 30 mostly-western tourists. They loved it so much that the host kept bringing me back to do 2 or 3 songs at a time. He did this 4 more times.
         I'd been looking around the crowd occasionally, I saw one gorgeous woman out of the corner of my eye, but I assumed she was with the French guy sitting next to her, plus I never get the hottest woman in the room, so I sort of gave up.
         After I played a few times, these three Indian tourists sitting next to me asked if I'd ever tried a Kingfisher beer. I said no so they kindly gave me the rest (apparently Indians have low alcohol tolerance). "We want to say we drank with Noah." They asked "good, right?" expectantly. I said it was OK (it's actually terrible compared to most beers, but compared to nothing it's excellent) and they were really disappointed b/c apparently Indians have been conditioned to love Kingfisher's monopoly on the beer trade there, sort of like Americans mindlessly supporting their hometown baseball team.
         Jim did his first-ever live performance, an excellent arrangement of a Yeats poem:

         At the end of the show, this really drunk Tibetan chanted "Redemption Song" for about 7 minutes using only djembe as accompaniment, despite the fact that the host had already played it. It was clear he didn't understand the words and had learned them phonetically. He didn't stop when everyone got sick of it, he just kept repeating verses. I can't explain how ridiculous his performance was, it was the same sort of embarrassing as your drunk cousin telling jokes at a party.
         Jim and I took this opportunity to leave. As we walked downstairs this cute girl behind us exclaimed "your voice is like chocolate!" so I said something like "but too much of it won't give you diabetes?" and we talked for a minute until I asked what she does in India and she said she hangs out with her boyfriend, then pointed to a Tibetan guy.
         As I turned to look at him (and lost interest in her), that same beautiful woman I'd been checking out during the show asked where I live in Boston, b/c I'd said that's where I'm from during my set. She told me she was from nearby Brockton!
         I didn't approach the ensuing conversation as a chance to pick someone up, but did try to behave myself enough to get her to like me. I read her body language, checking for signs of retreat. I never saw any. At some point, I told her "I don't always look like shit, but I haven't shaved in a week since I didn't expect to encounter anyone whose opinion of my appearance would matter." She laughed, we got along really well. She was from Lithuania but moved to the US when she was 13 to live in a convent with her parents.
         Now she lives in Bhagsu which is the town right next to McLeodGanj. She used to be a personal trainer and now has even more savings than I do. She also said an astrologer she visited today told her she'd be married by August 2014. I held back my urge to say "it looks like you've found your husband."
         While we were talking, this Indian guy with a British accent asked her for a cigarette and tried to steal her away from me but she chose to come back and talk to me. This made me really happy. Jim left while I talked to her, so she said she was hungry and we found one of the few places still open at midnight. While we were there I asked her name and she said Irma. She looks like a 25 year-old Uma Thurman and I kept getting overwhelmed and telling her how pretty she is, then she'd blush:
   
          She was smart, quick, funny, and brought out the best in me. I was funny again for the first time in a week. We wandered around, looking for a place to eat her takeout. The streets at night are really dark and filled with aggressive stray dogs and drunk Indians. Oh, I forgot to mention that there are stray dogs everywhere in the streets in India, and literally every single one has mange. I don't think I'd ever seen a dog with mange before. It looks like they've been shaved. Irma stopped and petted all of them. Jim later said this is probably why they all have mange.
          We finally found a cliff with a stairwell going down it and sat staring at the moon (the only light source in front of us besides the flashlights of insane mountaineers) and talked awkwardly before I finally kissed her. She was actually too good at it and made me self-conscious. We made out for a bit then decided to leave and find a less public place where drunk Indians wouldn't sit down next to her and respond to her requests for them to leave by saying "no it's OK."
         Also, it's apparently illegal for men and women to touch in public????? This explains their beautiful custom of straight men holding hands:

     
Sort of like in prison I guess, guys will go anywhere for affection when denied it from women.
          Irma and I walked a long time looking for privacy until we found a hotel balcony with two chairs and a mangy dog, right near the sketchiest restaurant sign I've ever seen:

You have to walk down a dirt path and through a gate to get to that place, which looked like someone's home (I didn't go in).
         Irma and I sat in those chairs and made out in front of the moon and the most beautiful mountains ever. I couldn't believe my romantic dream of making out with a beautiful stranger halfway around the world came true. When we want extrinsic rewards, we won't get them, but if we want intrinsic reward the extrinsic rewards come naturally. I must remember that.

         At one point Irma asked what's wrong with me, not b/c I'd done anything weird but b/c she hadn't seen any flaws yet. I told her I have Asperger's and I think it legitimately scared her. I also told her I get really dull really quickly and she said she gets bored really easily. I said I do too. We both switch to new topics, mid-sentence, one of my favorite traits in people. A sign of a quick mind. I gave in and told her our wedding will be August 1, 2014. She said OK.
         She admitted having checked me out at the show, too, and thought I was either a total dork or coldly calculated not caring how I looked. I had the huge headphones I'd stolen from the plane around my neck, a roll of toilet paper hanging out of the pocket in my swim trunks (a necessity in India unless you're cool with washing your ass with your hand and washing it off after), and of course my thick neckband wallet which contained my cellphone, mp3 player, notebook, money, passport, pencil, and condoms. I was also wearing a really cheesy shirt, and of course my gross beard:

         We sat on the balcony til 3 a.m. when Irma said she was sleepy. I'd drank half her Pepsi so I was wired (I usually drink about 1 cup of caffeine per month). Irma said she was going home and that she'd see me tomorrow. I tried to convince her to sleep with me but nothing worked. She told me if she lived closer she would've said yes. I offered to walk to her place and she told me to walk her part-way only. "I don't trust myself with you tonight, but let's make a date for tomorrow." For some reason, I didn't take this as total rejection. I asked if she was raised Catholic and she said she's still Catholic. She also said it doesn't feel like we just met, I agreed.
         She also said she doesn't usually make out with strangers so I said "I'm not a stranger, we made out." We agreed to meet at 3:30 tomorrow afternoon at the waterfall in Bhagsu (she doesn't own a phone either). I asked if I should shave before our date and she said yes because I was chafing her.
          I walked her home through the dark streets which were deserted except the packs of wild dogs that ran up to us barking as loudly as possible, scaring the shit out of me. She was so calm. I kissed her goodbye, always almost getting her to let me stay over, but never quite convincing her. I don't know what I did wrong but I'm sure her disappointment at me not actually being as bold as I seemed had something to do with it.

         I walked the 45 minutes back to Jim's, alone, terrified that the dogs would attack me, silently cursing myself for walking her all that way for no reason. After I climbed, in total darkness, down the many stones on the path to his house, I tried his door. Of course, he was asleep, so I had to climb over the railing on the side of his building and slide along the ledge to his back porch. His window was open so I reached in and opened the lock from the inside.
          As soon as I opened the door he woke up with an "AH!" and I said "it's just me, relax." He asked if I got lucky and I said no, then he immediately replied "it took you THIS long to not get lucky?"
          I guess I did, then.