Last day

I thought I'd slept 8 hours but it turned out to only be 4. Took last Indian shower and am unsure what to do now, can't sleep anymore. Guess I'll go outside in the monsoon.

I'm so proud of the art, women, and personal exploration I've done on this trip, not much else. Places are all the same, you just have to have the best attitude.

When high I didn't feel great, just less aware. Maybe the cure for marijuana addicts is to make them more curious and encourage finding hope. I could also only enjoy complex music and it had to be positive and emotional or I got bitchy. I can't believe I didn't eat for 22 hours. Just finished the last of my muesli and peanut butter, which I ate with my finger. I think I grossed out my fellow bus riders with that but they cough up phlegm like it's nothing.

I guess I'll go see Delhi now.

Later:

I reconfirm my statement that Delhi is the worst city I've ever stayed in.

Crowded, filthy, stoned people (with horrible shops), driving scooters on the tiny sidewalks. I hope this dosa doesn't make me sick. I'm tempted to just kill the rest of the day in the airport.

Later: Went to the airport ASAP. Found free internet in the business class lounge, first time I'd had access in 2 weeks. I love looking like I just slept in a room with no shower in classy places like this.

I got an email from my ex saying she's dating the guy I specifically warned her not to. It's OK. I wrote back telling her to have a happy and great life and that I wished both of them the best.

I got on the Air France overnight flight to Paris. This plane is the opposite of everywhere I've stayed for the last 3 weeks. This might be the most pampered I've ever been. Free, unlimited champagne, amazing food, and I can lay in this bed-seat watching The Life of Pi and Les Miserables for free. I don't even care that I finally got traveller's diarrhea, probably from that dosa I ate yesterday. This airplane toilet is nicer than any I've seen for 3 weeks. I got up to shit 8 times. I am completely relaxed and at peace. 

The flight from Paris to the US, however, wasn't that great. I couldn't sleep, the plane was too cold, and the delay in the Paris airport was intolerably dull. When we landed in Boston we had to go through customs on about 3 hours of sleep. I wondered how many people get in serious trouble because they're too out of it to answer questions correctly. The customs people didn't even look at my customs form though, they just stamp it and wave you through, which is a shame because the one thing I had to declare was "Nothing... Except my Genius," the book I bought in Leh.

The only customs declaration I've ever made.

I got home and felt like an alien. I learned a lot but really happy to return to the land where I can take toilets, water, and electricity for granted. I checked my credit card statement and found out my entire trip cost around $1000. If I'd sublet my apartment and cancelled my insurance for a month I'd have actually spent less money than I normally do in a month.

Hoping to force myself to meditate daily until I no longer feel compelled to do anything else, then I will be ready to. I am ready to be productive again, but constantly reminding myself "Goodness not elitism," "Forgiveness not guilt," "Live in the moment rather than desire reinforcement," & "Embrace the breath and expel the waste without a second thought."

No Courage's final show is on Friday. I'm too old and I don't want to be so negative anymore. I'm gonna wear a suit with a birthday girl hat then strip to a diaper. My costume looks like this:
Creativity is so much easier without judgment and hatred behind it.
I love you.
Thanks for reading.

Post-script: I held on to the feeling from on top of the mountain as long as I could, meditating every day, and trying to remember to leave things nicer than I found them, but as soon as work started I lost most of the progress I made in India and realized this was the first time I'd ever gone on a non-working vacation. I had no idea people still took time to learn things after they got out of college, but I've been working nonstop ever since so hadn't had time to open myself up to the beauty of the world.

I'm trying to remember to stop and smell the roses.

Some of them smell amazing.