Saturday, June 8, 2013

Day 23 - The Last Crazy Story of the Trip

        Woke at 3 from a dream where I went to my ex's wedding. We were both OK despite being sad. Probably exactly what will happen. Like the first part of The Sun Also Rises. 
        Went to bus at 4:30 and tied my bag on top of the roof. I got in and sat while the driver left the radio on loud, with the hazard beepings, for an hour. Thanks, driver, good thing it wasn't 4:30 a.m. or I might've wanted to sleep. It was beautiful there though:

        We finally left 40 minutes late and I slept in what ended up being the most cramped bus yet. I literally need kneepads. There are 3 other buses travelling with us in a caravan. There is also a goat on this bus.

        Jim started getting either altitude sickness or food poisoning. He ate at a roadside dhaba and is currently shitting on the side of the road. We keep stopping, way too often, but I guess he needs it.

        Just passed a jeep that fell in a ditch. The drivers tied a rope to the other bus and pulled it free. Everyone here is really nice.

        Hours later: the other bus broke down. We stopped, everyone got out.

I stayed in my seat, eating and listening to my headphones. A Hindu passenger got on and started talking to a guy in the seat in front of me. I overheard him saying a pipe has a hole in it, and they need a condom to repair it.
        I asked him the same thing you're probably thinking: "Wait, you need a condom?"
        "Yeah, they need to tape it to the hole in the tailpipe."
        "A normal condom?"
        "Yeah! Flavored, ribbed, we don't care!"
        I opened up the wallet around my neck and handed him one of mine. He thanked me profusely and I said "I'm just glad someone's using it." I was the only guy, out of 4 buses worth of (almost-entirely male) passengers to have one. I walked out of the bus and a group of Indians were sitting in a circle, talking about me. They invited me over but I told them I had to pee and would be right back. When I returned, they ignored me, I guess going to pee first is rude. I still felt pretty famous. Here is the roadside mechanic trying to tape my condom on, which took about 40 minutes:

Everyone stood around in the heat, doing nothing, just waiting for them to finish this insane attempt to repair the bus.
        This American Aspie I met on the bus told me that either I was too optimistic or everyone else was unsafe. I've never seen a condom for sale in any store here, but I haven't gone to any pharmacies either. He also told me "This is one to tell the grandkids." Grandkids, if you're reading this, your granddad had a lot of fun when he was 30. I hope you do, too.

        Jim's puking and shitting, I blame the roadside dhaba.

        We're moving again, God knows what the plan is for that broken bus, there's no way that condom will possibly fix it for long.

        After about 20 minutes, they pulled the bus over again, and gave up on the broken-down one. Unfortunately, choosing the right option (giving up) meant they had to evenly redistribute the passengers among the other 3 buses, including ours. Most of the passengers on these buses are military, carrying boxes probably filled with guns. This meant that, for about 8 hours, I sat next to a long box that I assume contained a rifle, while a guy sat on a huge rucksack on top of it. At one point, Jim told me the zipper was open to that guy's bag and he thought he saw a gun in there, pointed at my foot, so I should watch out. I knew this was his typical paranoia, and looked in a little to discover it was not a gun but a comb.
        Finally, we got out in Leh, around 10 PM, making this a 20 hour bus ride. We got several stamps on our passports on the way, and I felt pretty cool to have crossed a pass that's only open a few months a year. We dropped off the military guys at their base on the Tibetan border, the closest I'll ever get, I'm sure.

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